Blemmigan

A small box of velvet like material opens.

You see a small, purple mushroom with what looks like two incisor teeth. It leaps upright crouched to spring, a tiny knife clutched in one tendril. No, not a knife: a stylus! On the box-lid it scratches: OBLIGATION BEGINS NOW AT BOX-OPENING YOU HAVE FIFTEEN YEARS OF BLEMMIGAN TIME. DO NOT ASK PERSONAL QUESTIONS.

Don't look a gift mushroom in the hymenophoric lamellae.

The last thing you'd expect about a savage and eyeless anthropophagous mushroom is this: that those tendrils enable wonderful penmanship. The Blemmigan will be delighted to take dictation.