Sanatorium AlRe Transplanae
The party gets teleported onto a beautifully manicured lawn, topiary all around them, incredibly neat stone paths running everywhere. A smell of lavender hangs in the air, and everyone feels lighter and quite nice, if still weak. As they try to stand they notice there is much more curve to the earth than they are used to. They see many magnificent stone buildings, some with lots of columns, all walls painted a light orange with red highlights. The sky is a beautiful, filled with stars and nebulae in different colors, none of which they recognize from back home.
A woman in a white toga comes from the main building, when she gets close they see she wears a gold clasp engraved with a picture of a plain staff with one snake entwined. "Oh dear, you must be that famous beat combo, we weren’t expecting you for another week at least! Well, no worries, we have everything ready and we’ll take good care of you." She whistles and a number of people in the same outfit as her come and carry the parry into the building.
"Welcome to Sanatorium AlRe Transplanae," she says and smiles, "I am Eucaliptus, head of Patient Relations, we’ll get you to your rooms immediately and start your treatments." She walks over to the nearest of them, Izzy, "You must be Su Flogger, the singer?" She takes a white wristband from an assistant and puts it around Izzy’s wrist. Next she goes to Odrik, "Wilson Matter, multi-instrumentalist?" Another wristband. Boldrek is next; "Victor Amps, percussionist?" Wristband, and then to Zayn; "O.D. Teague, right? I must say, you look better than I expected from your file." He gets a wristband too. "I guess your fifth member, Tab Howoman, will be joining us later?" None of them decide to let the staff know they aren't who they think they are.
Everyone is then lead to a corridor with four cubicula, one for each of them. They are introduced to the three floor nurses; Rondus, Prontus, and Contus. "Doctor Habeuscorpus will be along later after you’ve had some time to rest," Eucaliptus tells them. The rooms are large and luxurious, each has a sitting area with couches and a table, and a desk, all made of citrus wood. On the table stands a large basket with many kinds of fruit. The bedroom itself holds a large bed, a saucer with five chocolates rests on the pillow. A bell-pull is present to summon one of the nurses. After a long sleep they notice their belongings have been removed but they are all given togas and a platinum clasp with engraved with a harp.
Soon the doctor stops by and examines them, he prescribes individual treatments to each of them; Boldrek: lightly poached bear testes, Zayn: a cream made with pig lard and the rust from chariot wheels, Odrik: a fox's genitals tied to the forehead, Izzy: raw owl's eggs and fried canary. If they prefer something else then doctor Homeopatix could have a look at them. The first two days are spent resting and eating in their rooms, they are too weak to walk for more than a minute or two.
Homeopatix comes by and surprisingly prescribes the same for anyone that he sees; a tincture with the essence of bull semen, taken thrice a day. Boldrek jokes it's water a bull dipped his balls in. On day three they get to visit the spa and relax in the warm baths. Later that day they are shown their gymnasium where they meet their personal trainer and bartender; Tomatojus.
On day four their bodies are well enough to be massaged. Gluteus Maximus, and Figurus Minus are on hand, Zayn takes the clasp from his toga, which falls down, but he flips it to decide what kind of massage he wants. Mud baths are next and then in the evening they have their first full meal. Servants come in and pour ice water over their hands. The starters are served. On a large tray stands a donkey made of bronze. On its back are two baskets, one holding green olives, and the other black. On either side are dormice, dipped in honey and rolled in poppy seed. Nearby, on a silver grill, piping hot, lay small sausages. As for wine, they were fairly swimming in it.
The next few days they are in a well enough state to do anything they want and as platinum guests they basically have the run of the place. Zayn finds out that the popular beat combo they are being confused with is called the Halting Grains. He also learns that people arrive here by portal but then a wizard trans-locates them to their building. Boldrek finds out that many people come here to just recuperate from a busy life or treat it as a holiday, people with a lot of money, though, this place is anything but cheap.
Zayn is worried about the arrival of the real beat combo and starts to think of ways to get out and find the portal. He uses a mage hand spell on a member of staff to try and grab their staff clasp. This doesn't go all the easy with just one hand, and one at distance while peeking around a corner, at that. He gets it off but when the man's toga drops he doesn't stop to pick it up but immediately pursues the red-headed half-orc. Zayn makes it back to their cabins but thirty minutes later Eucaliptus shows up and berates him, taking the clasp back. Zayn then looks for a way to get spell components for a spell; he needs a snake tongue. He jokes about taking Izzy's tongue; she'd no longer be Troubles but Mumbles instead.
After seven days their round of treatment ends and they all feel better than they have ever felt, in peak condition. (Their lowest stat has been increased by two.) Unfortunately the next morning they are woken by a piercing voice complaining at high volume; "what do you mean you thought they were us? The temerity! I want them found and I will take them for everything they own, their grandchildren will still be paying to me!" A quick peek shows a creature with big lips on something of a stalk and a belly pushed out, prancing around with one hand behind their back.
Escape
Getting caught doesn't seem like a good idea so they all quickly sneak out of their rooms and go to a building that's been standing empty for a while. There they find some belongings left behind by former guests, a book titled The Account of Them and some strange small mirror; a Glass of Sellv'vi. They also find a staff room containing many staff clasps and one clasp made of obsidian engraved with a brain, in a box of its own. There are stairs leading down from the room.
Below their seems to be a network of tunnels, connecting all the buildings, signs are posted at most intersections. They come to large double doors with a sign saying 'Cerebrum' over it. Beyond is a very large creature made of stone, when shown the obsidian clasp is lets them pass. Further on is a room containing a large creature with a leonine body but a human head. She looks very old and her eyes seem to pierce whoever she is looking at, giving them the feeling she can see right through them and know everything about them.
Her room is very luxuriously upholstered and she sits atop a dais, looking down at the party. "Through the ages unremembered, I have tested those who entered. Seeking fortune, fame and glory, hoping those might change their story, but the greatest treasure I ever found was the love and laughter all around," she says as they file into the room. "You wish my aid? There is no need to be afraid." They answer but apparently not in the way she wants; "Be polite, I’ll give you a clue. One speaks as one is spoken to."
Once spoken to in rhyme and asked if she can help get their belongings she asks them a riddle; "A tree with leaves hanging down, always weeping with a frown. What is the name of such? Six letters, not much." Izzy answers 'willow' and she smiles. "Now, do any of thee follow this Willow every week? On the big ears channel plus, your answer I seek." They don't and she asks the first of her actual riddles; "So I pass from sire to heir, and each of brothers takes his share. A gift or curse I may be, used by others more than thee."
The party comes up with the answer and she replies; "If once more you do succeed, my help will be yours indeed." Then she riddles them: "Beggars have what wise men crave, but both shall take it to their grave." It takes a while to figure out but fortunately they do. "The belongings you seek, they can be found. With the one in charge of the pound."
On the way to said pound they run into someone; he seems to be a human man, tall, very skinny, you can see each of his ribs, all he wears is a small white towel. He has brown hair and large sideburns, and speaks with a high voice. "You guys got out too, eh?" he immediately says, apparently knowing they are on the run. He tells them that he is Kris and that he is going to leave. He just needs his transport, when he hears they are going to collect their belongings, he asks them to get his as well. He will meet them when he has retrieved his transport and they can leave with him.
Fetch Quests!
Things get complicated; Garovirus, the human-rat-like creature at the pound figures out they are the ones on the lamb and he wants them to get the Hamelin Flute from Albareus, who is in charge of laundry. She turns out to be a bullywug 'princess' and she wants a Decanter of Endless Water, with spray nozzle, in exchange for the flute. She tells them one can be got from the whale keeper, Cetus. They find him in a cavern of enormous proportions that seems to be lit from everywhere, inside float spheres of water, the largest the size of a small castle, each holding whales and dolphins. Cetus demands a cart full of sparkly wine for the decanter. The wine cellar turns out to be locked but they decide to simply bash in the doors, load up a cart and return to Cetus. During these trips they see all kinds of (elemental) creatures, all seem to have a 'tattoo' of manacles on their body.
Finally they return to Garovirus and he takes the flute and gives them their belongings and Kris' as well, a very large suit made of some kind of fur. They then go back to the whale cavern again and see Kris standing there with a small skiff, it looks almost too small for five people. He puts on his suit, looking a lot bigger now, his voice deeper. Then they help him lift up the boat and push it into one of the spheres of water. Cetus sees this and sounds alarm. A weird snail like creature comes towards them, as do a number of azers who were busy constructing a tunnel. Kris tells them to hold them off till he gets the transport ready for travel.
The battle rages but eventually he drops a rope from the water sphere and everyone gets into the skiff. Dolphins have been roped in front of the boat and with a command Kris starts them moving, gaining so much speed that before reaching the opposite edge of the water, they teleport right into space. He then quickly teleports again, to what must be a dwelling of his.
As promised he tells them what he found out about the sanatorium; apparently it was created by seven creatures; someone only known as ‘The Seer’, an eladrin, a dao, an efreet, a marid, some kind of giant, and a sphinx. What made Kris so mad is that he found out that while the place has great healing powers that actually do exactly as promised, they use the wristbands to siphon off a tiny amount of life force from all customers. It's a minute amount, probably a few minutes of your entire life per week, but this 'feature' certainly wasn't in the brochure!
Kris can get them back to their own world but he needs an object from there to locate it. Izzy offers a green choker she found in the destroyed caravan. Kris works his magic and they leap... back home?